Refreshingly "Alter"native

Jamie Alter (I am sure you have heard this name but cannot gather where) is a cricinfo commentator who writes live commentary for the matches played on the international cricket scene. Recently during the 3rd Test between India and Australia, Jamie's commentary caught my eye and I decided to compile a few of his commentary snippets and post it here. Unlike most commentators, Jamie's writing style is very refreshing, mixed with a lot of humor, wit added to taste and a garnish of viewer emails to mete out a great dish for your cricketing appetite. Here are a few excerpts from the recently concluded 3rd test between India and Australia.

Here we go:
"Dhoni's got a helmet on. I had a friend nicknamed Helmet in school." -Jamie remembers his friend from school.

"Sayonara. Not to be confused with cyanide, which is, of course, goodbye in any language." - Jamie says goodbye at the end of a day's play

"Do keep your feedback emails coming in. I'll do my best to read all of them. Nothing senseless or irrelevant please, like why underwater knitting should become an Olympic sport or whether its Younis or Younus Khan." - Soliciting quality feedback

"Tendulkar walks down and speaks to Gambhir. Mastercard, go get it." - Describing Tendulkar's advice to Gambhir.

"Lee switches the angle. Runs in. Stops. Doesn't deliver. Why am I typing like that? I don't know." - Jamie seeks to improve is commentry.

"In the censored words of Bruce Willis, yippee kay yay, we finally have spin. It will be Cameron White, bowling his version of leg spin from over the stumps." - His comments on the late introduction of spin

"Johnson to Gambhir, no run, a lifter, forcing Gambhir onto his toes, he does well to drop the hands as the ball spits up, Haddin collects and Johnson asks Gambhir what time it is ... come on, did you expect me to type what he said? We're a family web site. " - His view on sledging.

"I can see some news channel bringing up the Katich-Gambhir incident and running it for three days with a headline: "Simon Says..."" - Ah!!! he understands the sensationalizing Indian news channels

"Ponting and Lee get together and chat politics, global warming and stocks. A square fine keg comes into place. Mid-off goes back a few paces." - Jamie's insight into the Ponting-Lee discussion. Oops... What's a square fine "keg"?

"Yeah I realize I typed square 'keg' instead of square 'leg'. My bad. But honestly, having a keg there would add up to about the same thing anyway." - Jamie corrects himself with wit. The Aussies are sweating to get Gambhir and Laxman out.

""Australia hasn't had a decent "square fine KEG" since David Boon," says Tony Treeve." - Adds a witty user comment too.

"Why in heaven's name would you bowl to Laxman on his pads? Its not rocket science. I mean hello, he makes a living out of playing those shots in case you haven't noticed " - Jamie is unimpressed with the wayward bowling on Laxman's pads.

"Watson to Laxman, FOUR, edged smack between slip and wicketkeeper! Laxman feels for a length delivery outside off stump and gets a thick edge through Hayden at Haddin, but neither moved and honestly it was Haddin's catch, not far from him at all and he is the man with the gloves ... okay, please don't flood my inbox with anti-Haddin emails now " - Fears his mailbox is going to run out of space

"Katich to Dhoni, no run, dropped, what it would have knocked a finger off Katich, or Aleem Dar's head! Dhoni rocks back and drills a short ball ferociously towards the umpire's head, Katich sticks a hand off it to take some pace off it and save Dar money for a face reconstruction, that was biffed with immense power and Dar goes forward to say thanks to Katich for saving him " - describes Dhoni's straight drive that could take off the umpire's head.

"Well, so much for the they'll-declare-in-20-minutes theory of mine. Thats why I'm sitting here typing, not playing Test cricket. Such is life. Carpe Do'em. (Thats my take on Carpe Diem)." - He is not impressed with the timing of the declaration, but concedes.

"Which will come first? India's 600? Laxman's 200? Kumble's 50? Or my coffee?A lot emails flooding in after I asked the question. Most of them are betting on my coffee. Thanks." - It was Jamie's coffee that came first afterall.

"Jason sends us this chuckle: "I would bet my wife on this match being a draw." Ah! history here. Yudhishtar, the Pandava, who bet his wife Draupadi, in a game of dice in the legendary epic Mahabharata. And Jason, lost his wife btw." - He adds a mythological twist here.

"And even the Duryodhans are out in the sun: Martin from USA: " will take Jason's bet to win his wife and am willing to play the role of Duryodhan to see a result in this match." Tsk tsk..." - and more on the Mahabharata.

"Manu: "So who will be MOM? Gambhir or Laxman? My money is on laxman." They can be fathers only no? Ok ok sick as hell attempt . I know. But don't blame me, blame the lack of smokes. Can tea come quickly please?!" - Cracks a poor joke and blames it on the caffeine or the lack of it.

"That spot outside the off stump, the rough, is what Kumble is targetting. If I were Navjot Singh Sidhu, I'd just say: "Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!" - Quotes a Siddhuism.

"There's a swarm of bees flocking across and everyone drops to the ground. Bizarre. Mind your 'beesness', annoying insects. Thats one of the oddest things I've seen on a cricket field. With everyone lying down it resemble as calisthenics lesson. Brave Billy Bowden gets up first, checking to see if the coast is clear, following which the rest slowly start to get up. But not Tendulkar, who has his floppy hat wrapped around his face, smiling. Ai la. But its Ganguly who gets up last, in no apparent hurry." - His description of the bee attack on the Kotla.

""Shabash Jumbo," says Dhoni. But methinks this airplane has nosedived." - Pretty blunt on his take on Kumble's form. Jamie's got a gun eh?

"Ishant and Watson share words. After all thats occurred, they're just discussing Facebook messages." - A classic Jamie on Ishant-Watson verbal duel.

"This pitch is a road. Check in and don't leave." - Jamie describes a belter of a pitch.

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